My story || Ashley Anne Photography
Trigger Warning: Childhood Sexual violence, Gun violence, Mental Health issues and cannabis
Hey there! If this is your first time getting to know me, I’m Ashley, and I am the owner and photographer behind Ashley Anne Photography, and The Badass Boudoir Experience. The Badass Boudoir Experience is a luxury, self-care investment that I designed to help other trauma survivors fall in love with themselves completely, while moving forward on their healing journey. Obviously, that’s a pretty unique career to have set in stone at 23 years old. So, let’s dive into the story of my life, and how I got to where I am today.
Whether you’re new here, or if you’ve been around for a while, you probably at least know that I’ve been through some shit. And since April is Childhood Sexual Abuse awareness month, I figured there’s no better time than now to just tell my story fully. I can’t expect my clients to be vulnerable with me and share their stories if I haven’t even fully shared my own. Here’s the cliffnotes version for those of you who don’t want to read the whole thing, because I probably wouldn’t either. I am a survivor of 10+ years of CSA (at the hands of my own father), gun violence, and my personal cocktail of mental illnesses. Despite all of that, I am now running my very own business that empowers other survivors around me.
Let’s start my story in 6th grade, because quite frankly I just don’t remember much about my childhood prior to 6th grade. I had one really close friend at the time, and I cracked and started to mention the abuse I went through at home. I obviously didn’t realize how much this would fuck up the mind of another 6th grader, and was taken by surprise when I got called into the counselor’s office one day and was met with two police officers. They then told me to my face that they had already talked to my father, and that they didn’t believe me, and asked me why/how the “rumor” got started. So, I did what any kid would do (this is scientifically proven, don’t come at me) and I lied.
I got sent back home with my abuser that very same day, without my own mother even being notified about what had occurred that day. The official police report from 2009 lists my father as the suspect, me as the victim, and my mother as the parent/guardian. Yet they went to my father first, and somehow came to the conclusion my mom just, didn’t need to know. There’s paperwork filed with the DHS office for the area I was living in, yet still, not a single word mentioned to my mom. She wouldn’t end up finding out about this police report until a full decade later in 2019.
Life during those 10 years was nothing but lies, manipulation, emotional & sexual abuse, and full of loneliness and pain. I basically had zero friends, and the few I kinda had I wasn’t allowed to ever hang out with. Dating was literally impossible. I can go ahead and let you know that being dumped because of how scared your S.O. is of your parent is NOT FUN. Not fun at all. I wasn’t even allowed to have my cell phone in my bedroom until I was almost 18 years old. But I survived. I pushed through, and I thought I was finally free when I was finally graduating high school and moving off to college.
Then came my personal Series of Unfortunate Events:
-College was okay at first. I was in the marching band at OU, got to go to 2 bowl games for free, Including the infamous Rose Bowl appearance, made a few solid friends, learned my alcohol limits, you know, normal college stuff. Until I wasn’t passing any of my classes because of how debilitating my depression was. I wasn’t leaving my bedroom for days at a time, and I very rarely went to class or work.
-Then, my car died on the side of the highway, and I couldn’t afford OU anymore, so I left! I tried one semester somewhere else, but hated that too.
-Next, Black Friday 2018, I had just finished my shift at an unnamed makeup store that I now despise, I had gone out to the lake to partake in some cannabis smoking. I had a long day working on Black Friday, and this was my go-to spot to relax. And relaxed I was, until I was being robbed at gunpoint. Having a gun in your face is definitely the quickest way to realize that you don’t in fact want to die.
-Finally, we have the complete mental breakdown. Up until this point not a single person in my entire family knew about the sexual abuse I went through under the very roof we all called home. This is when that alllll changed. And it wasn’t pretty, but hey, mental breakdowns never are.
-After everybody knew all of the awful details of my life, including the police questioning, I finally decided that hey, I should probably tell my therapist about all of this. And then came all of the diagnoses. Complex-PTSD, Regular PTSD, Bi-Polar Depression, and crippling ADHD.
One night in college, during my series of unfortunate events, I was at a party and someone busted out a bong. So we all know what came next: Stoner Ashley was born. After my first few times smoking, I started to realize I don’t experience the same type of “high” that everyone else talked about. It literally just made me feel normal, and I was really fucking confused, but I also didn’t care. For the first time in my entire life, I felt normal. My brain felt quiet, and calm. I could sit in a room full of people without being convinced someone was there to hurt me. I could actually wake up before 4pm CONSISTENTLY. This was all brand new to me. Cannabis truly changed my entire life. Fast forward to now, and I know way more about that plant than I ever could’ve imagined, and I’m helping other people discover and utilize the medicinal benefits that cannabis has to offer, and to me it’s one of the most rewarding fields to be an expert in.
I don’t know if you know anything about the stereotype that stoners impulsively buy a bunch of stuff when they’re stoned, but let’s just say that, for me at least, IT IS NOT A STEREOTYPE 🤣 One day I impulsively bought a camera for shits and giggles. I needed something (besides weed and my bladder) to get my ass out of bed and out of the house, and this was how I made that happen. Eventually I realized that I was pretty decent at photography, and tried to pursue it as a side hustle for some “bonus” income. This….. didn’t work. Once I finally realized that photography is what I wanted to dedicate 100% of my professional energies to, I was able to turn Ashley Anne Photography into my dream business and career. In ~1 year, I transformed my life from being fired by my own aunt and being evicted, to running my own, successful business and being on track to 100% financial independence, all because of buying that first camera.
I was doing the thing, taking pictures of seniors, couples, weddings, whoever wanted me to take pictures of them. I knew this wasn’t gonna do the trick, so I started investing in my education for photography, and business for photographers specifically. Through this I was able to start making myself read self-improvement books, then I started listening to podcasts, and now I have an Audible subscription that I use every time I’m in my car. I was able to discover my spirituality, and find my connection within the Universe. I’ve discovered the power of manifestation (aka the law of attraction) and how to use it to improve all aspects of my life. One of my favorite books, “You Are a Badass” by Jen Sincero, talks about how we basically need to retrain our subconsciousness to align with our consciousness, and we can do this through manifesting and creating a consistent self-improvement practice. Through all of these things, I started healing QUICKLY. This healing was mind blowing not only to me, but also to all of my family. At the time of writing this blog, it’s officially been 6 months since I was evicted because I couldn’t come up with $800/mo. Last month I earned over $2000 from photography alone. I made that change in my life in 6. Fucking. Months. I honestly still don’t believe it sometimes. I took my mom on vacation on a whim for her birthday. I didn’t think I’d be able to pull something like that off until I was at least 30 (I’m 23.) But thanks to all of the educators I invested in that steered me to this path, I was doing the damn thing! I was booking my top package and having amazing sessions with my seniors and couples, but it was time for me to implement everything I’d been learning and preparing for. It was time for my (first) Big Leap.
February 2021: The Badass Boudoir Experience was launched. The one that almost got away. I always told myself I would never shoot boudoir, yet here I am. Transforming my entire brand and business to revolve around a luxury, self-care, boudoir experience. Being able to help people see themselves in a new light, and in a way that helps them fall in love with themselves, is one of the most rewarding experiences out there, and I get to do it as my career. I’ve finally found the one thing that never feels like work to me. Connecting with my clients, and hearing their stories, always reassures me that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’m here to help you feel loved, cared about, heard and VALID. I’m here to make sure that you know that you have never, and will never, be alone in your healing journey. I’m here so that you can let go of all of your pain and trauma in a safe and comfortable environment. I’m here to create an opportunity of rebirth, so that you can come out on the other side a changed person. You will always be you, and you will always be a survivor. This experience allows you to channel your love for yourself, it allows you to forgive your mind & body for anything you may be holding them accountable for, it allows you to see yourself exactly as you are, yet still allows you to see yourself as pure beauty and art. Because that’s what you are. The human body is art. Every single one of us are unique sculptures created by the Universe, and it’s my duty to help you see that of yourself.
And now, I’m happy, healthy, and helping empower other survivors around me. The first 22 years of my life may have been endless heaps of shit, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use those heaps of shit to fertilize the foundation of my dream business and dream career, to ensure that this dream life I am building never has to end :) Yes, I still get harassed by my abuser’s family, at least once a month, and yes, I still have some legal stuff I occasionally have to worry about, but I don’t let it control how I live my life. I don’t live every day worrying about if today is the day I’m gonna die. I’ve got my happiness, my dog, my crystals, my plants, and my business, and that’s all I need to manifest my dream life into reality.
If you’ve made it to the end, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It isn’t a fun or entertaining life story, but it’s still mine, and I’m so thankful you care enough to listen to me blab about it for this long. I genuinely hope that you will stick around, and keep up with my business adventures and my life journey. And if you have a story of your own that you want to share, reach out anytime!! I would love to hear what you have to say, and potentially even help you share your story with the world, to help change the future generations.
With that, I’m gonna hop off here and go get some shit done. Or procrastinate. We’ll see😂
